Twitter Search For Celebrities

I don't read gossip rags (I don't buy the newspapers anyway, why pay good money for something I probably won't even have time to read?) but there's something about the net that makes me want to reach out to people. And since I don't have many friends (who'd blame them? I'm so boring that not only I decided to freeze breadcrumbs last Sunday night, but I also thought it a good idea - at the time - to post a tweet about it), finding out what's going on in the lives of some well-known people (sometimes also called celebrities) just gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling, like I have the power to interact with them.

Shortly after I joined Twitter (which I didn't want to join in the beginning but peer pressure - from total strangers I heard on the TV, and read about on the internet - made me do it anyway), I decided it might be fun to "follow" some celebrities. I started with Aston Kutcher, shortly followed by Demi "wifey" Moore, but soon found out that there were way more imposters on Twitter than real celebs. I am still floowing a few ones: I think that the profiles of Kevin Spacey and Hugh "yummy" Jackmann are genuine ones, but for the rest I am still very confused.

After watching Alan Carr' "Chattyman" show on TV last night (a very pale imitation of The Graham Norton Show, but if you like to watch grown-up gay comedians acting like little girls, that might be your thing. Graham, come back, I miss you!) I decided to follow him; you never know, he might get up to something funny sometime in the next 5 years!). So I added him and since I was feeling like a trader, I did a search for Graham Norton too and thought I got the right profile when I got the following message from Twitter: "Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due to strange activity. Mosey along now, nothing to see here."

It's the Strange Activity that really made me think that this was indeed the right profile; imagine a little overexcited (but oh, so very funny - I just wish Alan Carr didn't try to copy him, he just doesn't come close) Irish gay man virtually jumping up and down all over Twitter doing the weirdest searches so he can bitch about them in his show: yep, that would be him all right!

Well, since I can't get him on Twitter, I'll head up to Facebook and see if there are any groups related to him; makes me think I really need to get a hobby!

Update: Graham Norton's profile (the comedian) has since been removed from Twitter but you can still catch some funny videos on his Facebook page.

My Bright New Ideas (for the Irish Victims of Abuse in Clerical Institutions)

A few weeks ago, the Ryan Report describing how some children being placed (sometimes against the will of their families) in Irish clerical institutions and schools suffered physical, sexual and emotional abuse shocked a lot of people worldwide.

A compensation deal was agreed in 2002 to indemnify the victims who came forward; this deal was supposed to insure that each victim received a handful of euros (in the order of €65,000 per victim, which is a joke when you consider how priests and nuns destroyed the lives of innocent children). According to RTE News, the cost of the Ryan Report (which was 10 years in the making) added to compensating the victims should amount to €1.3 billion; the deal agreed in 2002 between the Government and religious orders was for merely €128, a tenth of what it should be.

Two Irish Super-priests (I couldn't be arsed to call them by their real titles, something to do with primates) are due to travel to Rome in order to brief the Pope about this whole dirty business (I assume they will travel first-class and have a limo waiting for them at the airport, why can't they just use email to save money? God knows the victims could do with a few bob!)

Before booking their tickets with Ryan Air, I have a brilliant suggestion for the Pope in order to raise some of the cash needed to compensate the victims because, after all, it is true that the Vatican should be held part-responsible after they helped cover up this scandal in order to protect the reputation of the Catholic Church (what a bad joke!). So here are some of my ideas:

1- The Pope could auction some of his dresses on Ebay: there are people crazy enough to buy records of Daniel O'Donnell, so I guess one could find someone wicked enough to want to pay for something that has been worn by the old guy himself *trying not to gag at the thought*;

2- Raise cash selling Papamobile rides: just like kids would love a ride in the Batmobile, I'm sure a good few old ladies/nuns/gay priests would love a ride in the Papamobile, especially if there was any way they could ride on the Pope's lap; just to be safe, this would have to be for over 18s only: you can never trust a Clergy member alone with a child again after reading that Ryan Report!

3- The Papamobile made me think of yet another great idea: hire some volunteers, preferably priests and nuns, to make a James Bond style movie featuring the Papamobile. I can already imagine Super Pope in his Papamobile giving chase to pedophile priests and sadistic nuns in their Nissan Micras! All profits from the movie to benefit victims of abuse by nuns and priests of course.

If you have any more ideas, please don't hesitate to share in the comments section: the wackier the better!

PS. I wish to offer my sympathy to the victims of clerical abuse and mean no offense to any of them in this post. I also know that not all clergy members are evil (hey, my own Godmother is a nun... What were my parents thinking?) but I really don't care if this post seems blasphemous or has offended any of them; I never cared much for any religion of any kind and now more than ever consider organized religion as some kind of brain-washing mafia thing.