This could be a post to deter teenage girls to become pregnant, but it's actually just one of my little rants. Anyway, here's how I spent my Sunday today (and the scary thing is that it's not over yet):
1- Got up early (too early for a Sunday morning anyway!) at 8.00 am so that I could bring my daughter to 10.00 am mass: I don't go to mass, but she wants to do her communion after her father used emotional blackmail on her, telling her that she will never see him again unless she does the blasted thing, which would make me pretty happy, but not her, so I obliged. I rebelled by not putting change in the basket.
2- Got home and made the beds: the same daughter that made me get up at all hours this morning had chicken pox last week and even though she's much better now, she is still shedding some crusts, so I vacuumed them (no point in changing her sheets yet when I know there will be the same amount tomorrow), gross but necessary.
3- We got a satellite dish installed yesterday, but I'm not allowed to watch it until the kids have gone to bed; the kids channels are blaring on all day. I was thinking of making apple muffins, but if the kids can't be arsed to let me watch a little TV, I can't be arsed to make them yummy muffins either.
4- Spent half my day wiping yucky green snot from my 5 year-old; I taught her how to clean her nose last year, but she must have forgotten during last summer. She'd rather lick her own snot than trying to blow her nose in a tissue. Gross no. 2.
5- My 7 year-old daughter has long, thick, wavy brown hair: the worst case scenario if she ever gets toothpaste in her hair like she did last night before going to bed. I only noticed this morning when brushing her hair; it's like some concrete has dried in her hair, only it's still sticky even after almost 24 hours (at least concrete dries!)
6- My 5 year-old (the snotty one) has knocked down the Christmas tree (again). She was hiding behind it and the blanket she had partly tucked down in the back of her trousers to make her look like she has a tail must have done it.
Well a pretty average day for any parent I guess. So you still wanna have kids? I'm putting mine up for adoption.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Sweet Revenge: Would you Commit Insurance Fraud For Your Ex?
My ex thinks we're friends. I don't. If we hadn't had kids together I would probably not even be talking to him but for the sake of the kids (and by order of the courts), he is allowed to visit the kids so I have to talk to him sometimes.
I have just moved into a new council house so pretending that we are on friendly terms has guaranteed free labour from his part so far, like putting up curtain poles and shelves.
I'm not being particularly mean, given the fact that this man has raped and beaten me in the past, my being double-faced towards him is the best deal he's going to get.
My ex's driving licence has been suspended for a few years and now that he is allowed back on the roads, he has asked me to get an insurance quote for him (he can't read or write, and if he had a computer he'd probably just use it for porn anyway!). When I said the insurance company was going to ask if he had any penalty points or driving convictions he told me to say nothing. I told him if he lied and and later needed to make an insurance claim, the insurance probably wouldn't work but he doesn't want to pay a high premium so told me again to say nothing, so I said: "I'm not lying, if you don't want to tell the truth, get someone else to do your dirty work". Conversation cut short (he is better at drinking himself stupid and using his fists than communicating).
Seriously, why would I help a person who is likely to become a danger for other drivers (he may not drink for the first month that he's on the road, but Christmas is coming, he's likely to get a few drinks and he's not really known for being a law-abiding citizen).
Also, if he buys a car he may want to bring my kids places, which I really don't want, especially since the time he told them that they didn't need to put on their seat-belts in the car he was driving at the time (The famous brand-new Peugeot 106 that he took a 5 year lease out for and only paid for the first few weeks; he must have got that car for 2 years before he had to sell it for not being able to drive it further than his bog road, given the fact that he had been arrested for drink-driving and, let's take a guess, I bet it was not even insured or taxed! I wouldn't like to have been the one buying that car off him; make you think twice about buying a second-hand car without checking its history first).
So I'm not helping this scumbag cheating the system and I'm also keeping a low profile because the last thing I want to do is give him an excuse to spend Christmas with us. Me and the girls have had happy Christmasses for the past 3 years all on our own and I intend to keep it this way; might pretend I'm thinking of going to visit my family in France to have peace of mind.
Anyway, anybody knows a good carpenter that's not too expensive and good at making wall units? I think I might need one soon as I'm not asking Mr. Painintheass for anything anymore!
I have just moved into a new council house so pretending that we are on friendly terms has guaranteed free labour from his part so far, like putting up curtain poles and shelves.
I'm not being particularly mean, given the fact that this man has raped and beaten me in the past, my being double-faced towards him is the best deal he's going to get.
My ex's driving licence has been suspended for a few years and now that he is allowed back on the roads, he has asked me to get an insurance quote for him (he can't read or write, and if he had a computer he'd probably just use it for porn anyway!). When I said the insurance company was going to ask if he had any penalty points or driving convictions he told me to say nothing. I told him if he lied and and later needed to make an insurance claim, the insurance probably wouldn't work but he doesn't want to pay a high premium so told me again to say nothing, so I said: "I'm not lying, if you don't want to tell the truth, get someone else to do your dirty work". Conversation cut short (he is better at drinking himself stupid and using his fists than communicating).
Seriously, why would I help a person who is likely to become a danger for other drivers (he may not drink for the first month that he's on the road, but Christmas is coming, he's likely to get a few drinks and he's not really known for being a law-abiding citizen).
Also, if he buys a car he may want to bring my kids places, which I really don't want, especially since the time he told them that they didn't need to put on their seat-belts in the car he was driving at the time (The famous brand-new Peugeot 106 that he took a 5 year lease out for and only paid for the first few weeks; he must have got that car for 2 years before he had to sell it for not being able to drive it further than his bog road, given the fact that he had been arrested for drink-driving and, let's take a guess, I bet it was not even insured or taxed! I wouldn't like to have been the one buying that car off him; make you think twice about buying a second-hand car without checking its history first).
So I'm not helping this scumbag cheating the system and I'm also keeping a low profile because the last thing I want to do is give him an excuse to spend Christmas with us. Me and the girls have had happy Christmasses for the past 3 years all on our own and I intend to keep it this way; might pretend I'm thinking of going to visit my family in France to have peace of mind.
Anyway, anybody knows a good carpenter that's not too expensive and good at making wall units? I think I might need one soon as I'm not asking Mr. Painintheass for anything anymore!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
We Kicked Your Ass Good (Now I Can Go Back to Not Liking Football)
I am not a fan of football (or sports of any kind) but yesterday there was a football match between France and Ireland. As a French person living in Ireland, I had to sort of follow it.
Before I go on, I must admit that if I had been in France at the time of the said Football game, I would have supported the Irish, that's how much I don't like to be like everyone else: see a herd, run the opposite way!
Well as a good patriotic French woman (pffffft!), I had to support the French players. I don't know anything about football, all I can say is that the French were not only better-looking, they also had waaaayyyyyy nicer T-shirts than the little Green men (the Oirish!).
Anyway, I was on Facebook and Twitter shouting my support for the French team when my daughter shouted that they had got a goal. No more goals were gotten by any of the team during the rest of the game (how hard is it to kick a ball into a net, really?) so the French won after all. Well, what business have the Irish playing a game that they call soccer when everyone else calls it Football anyway?
So I'm done with football for now, I really don't care if the French win or lose their next game, same for the Irish, I can go back to not liking football again!
Before I go on, I must admit that if I had been in France at the time of the said Football game, I would have supported the Irish, that's how much I don't like to be like everyone else: see a herd, run the opposite way!
Well as a good patriotic French woman (pffffft!), I had to support the French players. I don't know anything about football, all I can say is that the French were not only better-looking, they also had waaaayyyyyy nicer T-shirts than the little Green men (the Oirish!).
Anyway, I was on Facebook and Twitter shouting my support for the French team when my daughter shouted that they had got a goal. No more goals were gotten by any of the team during the rest of the game (how hard is it to kick a ball into a net, really?) so the French won after all. Well, what business have the Irish playing a game that they call soccer when everyone else calls it Football anyway?
So I'm done with football for now, I really don't care if the French win or lose their next game, same for the Irish, I can go back to not liking football again!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Twitter Search For Celebrities
I don't read gossip rags (I don't buy the newspapers anyway, why pay good money for something I probably won't even have time to read?) but there's something about the net that makes me want to reach out to people. And since I don't have many friends (who'd blame them? I'm so boring that not only I decided to freeze breadcrumbs last Sunday night, but I also thought it a good idea - at the time - to post a tweet about it), finding out what's going on in the lives of some well-known people (sometimes also called celebrities) just gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling, like I have the power to interact with them.
Shortly after I joined Twitter (which I didn't want to join in the beginning but peer pressure - from total strangers I heard on the TV, and read about on the internet - made me do it anyway), I decided it might be fun to "follow" some celebrities. I started with Aston Kutcher, shortly followed by Demi "wifey" Moore, but soon found out that there were way more imposters on Twitter than real celebs. I am still floowing a few ones: I think that the profiles of Kevin Spacey and Hugh "yummy" Jackmann are genuine ones, but for the rest I am still very confused.
After watching Alan Carr' "Chattyman" show on TV last night (a very pale imitation of The Graham Norton Show, but if you like to watch grown-up gay comedians acting like little girls, that might be your thing. Graham, come back, I miss you!) I decided to follow him; you never know, he might get up to something funny sometime in the next 5 years!). So I added him and since I was feeling like a trader, I did a search for Graham Norton too and thought I got the right profile when I got the following message from Twitter: "Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due to strange activity. Mosey along now, nothing to see here."
It's the Strange Activity that really made me think that this was indeed the right profile; imagine a little overexcited (but oh, so very funny - I just wish Alan Carr didn't try to copy him, he just doesn't come close) Irish gay man virtually jumping up and down all over Twitter doing the weirdest searches so he can bitch about them in his show: yep, that would be him all right!
Well, since I can't get him on Twitter, I'll head up to Facebook and see if there are any groups related to him; makes me think I really need to get a hobby!
Update: Graham Norton's profile (the comedian) has since been removed from Twitter but you can still catch some funny videos on his Facebook page.
Shortly after I joined Twitter (which I didn't want to join in the beginning but peer pressure - from total strangers I heard on the TV, and read about on the internet - made me do it anyway), I decided it might be fun to "follow" some celebrities. I started with Aston Kutcher, shortly followed by Demi "wifey" Moore, but soon found out that there were way more imposters on Twitter than real celebs. I am still floowing a few ones: I think that the profiles of Kevin Spacey and Hugh "yummy" Jackmann are genuine ones, but for the rest I am still very confused.
After watching Alan Carr' "Chattyman" show on TV last night (a very pale imitation of The Graham Norton Show, but if you like to watch grown-up gay comedians acting like little girls, that might be your thing. Graham, come back, I miss you!) I decided to follow him; you never know, he might get up to something funny sometime in the next 5 years!). So I added him and since I was feeling like a trader, I did a search for Graham Norton too and thought I got the right profile when I got the following message from Twitter: "Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due to strange activity. Mosey along now, nothing to see here."
It's the Strange Activity that really made me think that this was indeed the right profile; imagine a little overexcited (but oh, so very funny - I just wish Alan Carr didn't try to copy him, he just doesn't come close) Irish gay man virtually jumping up and down all over Twitter doing the weirdest searches so he can bitch about them in his show: yep, that would be him all right!
Well, since I can't get him on Twitter, I'll head up to Facebook and see if there are any groups related to him; makes me think I really need to get a hobby!
Update: Graham Norton's profile (the comedian) has since been removed from Twitter but you can still catch some funny videos on his Facebook page.
Friday, June 5, 2009
My Bright New Ideas (for the Irish Victims of Abuse in Clerical Institutions)
A few weeks ago, the Ryan Report describing how some children being placed (sometimes against the will of their families) in Irish clerical institutions and schools suffered physical, sexual and emotional abuse shocked a lot of people worldwide.
A compensation deal was agreed in 2002 to indemnify the victims who came forward; this deal was supposed to insure that each victim received a handful of euros (in the order of €65,000 per victim, which is a joke when you consider how priests and nuns destroyed the lives of innocent children). According to RTE News, the cost of the Ryan Report (which was 10 years in the making) added to compensating the victims should amount to €1.3 billion; the deal agreed in 2002 between the Government and religious orders was for merely €128, a tenth of what it should be.
Two Irish Super-priests (I couldn't be arsed to call them by their real titles, something to do with primates) are due to travel to Rome in order to brief the Pope about this whole dirty business (I assume they will travel first-class and have a limo waiting for them at the airport, why can't they just use email to save money? God knows the victims could do with a few bob!)
Before booking their tickets with Ryan Air, I have a brilliant suggestion for the Pope in order to raise some of the cash needed to compensate the victims because, after all, it is true that the Vatican should be held part-responsible after they helped cover up this scandal in order to protect the reputation of the Catholic Church (what a bad joke!). So here are some of my ideas:
1- The Pope could auction some of his dresses on Ebay: there are people crazy enough to buy records of Daniel O'Donnell, so I guess one could find someone wicked enough to want to pay for something that has been worn by the old guy himself *trying not to gag at the thought*;
2- Raise cash selling Papamobile rides: just like kids would love a ride in the Batmobile, I'm sure a good few old ladies/nuns/gay priests would love a ride in the Papamobile, especially if there was any way they could ride on the Pope's lap; just to be safe, this would have to be for over 18s only: you can never trust a Clergy member alone with a child again after reading that Ryan Report!
3- The Papamobile made me think of yet another great idea: hire some volunteers, preferably priests and nuns, to make a James Bond style movie featuring the Papamobile. I can already imagine Super Pope in his Papamobile giving chase to pedophile priests and sadistic nuns in their Nissan Micras! All profits from the movie to benefit victims of abuse by nuns and priests of course.
If you have any more ideas, please don't hesitate to share in the comments section: the wackier the better!
PS. I wish to offer my sympathy to the victims of clerical abuse and mean no offense to any of them in this post. I also know that not all clergy members are evil (hey, my own Godmother is a nun... What were my parents thinking?) but I really don't care if this post seems blasphemous or has offended any of them; I never cared much for any religion of any kind and now more than ever consider organized religion as some kind of brain-washing mafia thing.
A compensation deal was agreed in 2002 to indemnify the victims who came forward; this deal was supposed to insure that each victim received a handful of euros (in the order of €65,000 per victim, which is a joke when you consider how priests and nuns destroyed the lives of innocent children). According to RTE News, the cost of the Ryan Report (which was 10 years in the making) added to compensating the victims should amount to €1.3 billion; the deal agreed in 2002 between the Government and religious orders was for merely €128, a tenth of what it should be.
Two Irish Super-priests (I couldn't be arsed to call them by their real titles, something to do with primates) are due to travel to Rome in order to brief the Pope about this whole dirty business (I assume they will travel first-class and have a limo waiting for them at the airport, why can't they just use email to save money? God knows the victims could do with a few bob!)
Before booking their tickets with Ryan Air, I have a brilliant suggestion for the Pope in order to raise some of the cash needed to compensate the victims because, after all, it is true that the Vatican should be held part-responsible after they helped cover up this scandal in order to protect the reputation of the Catholic Church (what a bad joke!). So here are some of my ideas:
1- The Pope could auction some of his dresses on Ebay: there are people crazy enough to buy records of Daniel O'Donnell, so I guess one could find someone wicked enough to want to pay for something that has been worn by the old guy himself *trying not to gag at the thought*;
2- Raise cash selling Papamobile rides: just like kids would love a ride in the Batmobile, I'm sure a good few old ladies/nuns/gay priests would love a ride in the Papamobile, especially if there was any way they could ride on the Pope's lap; just to be safe, this would have to be for over 18s only: you can never trust a Clergy member alone with a child again after reading that Ryan Report!
3- The Papamobile made me think of yet another great idea: hire some volunteers, preferably priests and nuns, to make a James Bond style movie featuring the Papamobile. I can already imagine Super Pope in his Papamobile giving chase to pedophile priests and sadistic nuns in their Nissan Micras! All profits from the movie to benefit victims of abuse by nuns and priests of course.
If you have any more ideas, please don't hesitate to share in the comments section: the wackier the better!
PS. I wish to offer my sympathy to the victims of clerical abuse and mean no offense to any of them in this post. I also know that not all clergy members are evil (hey, my own Godmother is a nun... What were my parents thinking?) but I really don't care if this post seems blasphemous or has offended any of them; I never cared much for any religion of any kind and now more than ever consider organized religion as some kind of brain-washing mafia thing.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Design Your Own Hell
Goths
Circle I Limbo
Bill Gates
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind
Rednecks
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow
Republicans
Circle IV Rolling Weights
George Bush
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled
River Styx
Scientologists
Circle VI Buried for Eternity
River Phlegyas
Bernie Madoff
Circle VII Burning Sands
Osama bin Laden
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement
The Pope
Circle IX Frozen in Ice
Updated on 2nd October 2009:
I'd replace George Bush with a 2 headed monster: Brian Cowen-Lenihan and since The Goths and Scientologists are actually not that bad (compared to the rest), maybe replace one with any of my secondary school maths teacher and the other with my dumbass ex who told my daughter that if she didn't want to do her first communion she would never see him again (blackmailing a seven-year old, what a good catholic he is!)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
My Secret Swine Flu Vaccine
On the way to the shops today, I felt a bit of paranoia hitting me: when I do a bit of walking on a chilly morning, I sometimes get a bit of the sniffles and this was one of these mornings. I thought, as I was getting a tissue to blow my nose: "Oh no, now everyone's gonna think I've got this Swine Flu thingy!"
As I saw some people looking at me funny (an old lady walking her dog even crossed the street to avoid me), I had one of these wicked thoughts I should really keep to myself (well, except for when I'm blogging): the fact that everyone avoids me might actually save me from getting infected in the event that the swine flu was to spread to Ireland!
Talking about flu vaccines, I saw a sales page yesterday for a Flu Swine kit costing no less than $99; I can't find the link anymore but it doesn't matter because it's just a scam. If you've seen the news lately scientists say that a vaccine for the current swine flu would take 4 to 6 months to be developped. Anything anyone tries to sell you online before that may be a vaccine for the common flu virus, a placebo drug or even something that could be harmful to your health, and won't protect you from the swine flu.
The closest thing to a swine flu vaccine I can think of (by the way, this will also protect you from all contagious diseases that can be spread from human to human) is the following:
1- When you're getting ready to go out somewhere, sprinkle a bit of water on your forehead so that it looks like you're sweating from a fever;
2- Cough and sneeze as much as you can (be careful though, you don't really want to be infecting people whith whatever is it you may be suffering from). Make use of tissues so it will be more hygienical;
3- When you return home, dispose of your used tissues in the bin and act normally (you're not really sick, are you? If you are, keep away from me!)
This will guarantee that people stay the hell away from you, therefore if anyone actually carries the swine flu virus, they won't give it to you and your employer might even give you time off work.
The only flaws in my system are the following:
- If you've got children going to school who get infected you will also probably get the swine flu (unless you hire a nanny and don't kiss of hug your kids, which is not really an option if you are a decent parent);
- The "your employer might give you time off" bit: we are still in a recession and the time off is likely to become permanent, as in redundancy package;
- The "if anyone actually carries the swine flu virus" bit: if they know they have it, it won't matter to them if a sneezer comes near them, they already have it!
So I guess in the end I'm just like the Irish Goverment, putting policies in place and then realizing there's no way they'll work, but damn me if I'll admit I was wrong!
As I saw some people looking at me funny (an old lady walking her dog even crossed the street to avoid me), I had one of these wicked thoughts I should really keep to myself (well, except for when I'm blogging): the fact that everyone avoids me might actually save me from getting infected in the event that the swine flu was to spread to Ireland!
Talking about flu vaccines, I saw a sales page yesterday for a Flu Swine kit costing no less than $99; I can't find the link anymore but it doesn't matter because it's just a scam. If you've seen the news lately scientists say that a vaccine for the current swine flu would take 4 to 6 months to be developped. Anything anyone tries to sell you online before that may be a vaccine for the common flu virus, a placebo drug or even something that could be harmful to your health, and won't protect you from the swine flu.
The closest thing to a swine flu vaccine I can think of (by the way, this will also protect you from all contagious diseases that can be spread from human to human) is the following:
1- When you're getting ready to go out somewhere, sprinkle a bit of water on your forehead so that it looks like you're sweating from a fever;
2- Cough and sneeze as much as you can (be careful though, you don't really want to be infecting people whith whatever is it you may be suffering from). Make use of tissues so it will be more hygienical;
3- When you return home, dispose of your used tissues in the bin and act normally (you're not really sick, are you? If you are, keep away from me!)
This will guarantee that people stay the hell away from you, therefore if anyone actually carries the swine flu virus, they won't give it to you and your employer might even give you time off work.
The only flaws in my system are the following:
- If you've got children going to school who get infected you will also probably get the swine flu (unless you hire a nanny and don't kiss of hug your kids, which is not really an option if you are a decent parent);
- The "your employer might give you time off" bit: we are still in a recession and the time off is likely to become permanent, as in redundancy package;
- The "if anyone actually carries the swine flu virus" bit: if they know they have it, it won't matter to them if a sneezer comes near them, they already have it!
So I guess in the end I'm just like the Irish Goverment, putting policies in place and then realizing there's no way they'll work, but damn me if I'll admit I was wrong!
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